Wrapping It Up

So the "school year" is wrapping up, so it's time for another little update, but I'm finding it very hard to want to focus on listing academic achievements just now. I've been doing some pretty heavy reading the last couple of days, and it's really changing my focus. Or more accurately, sharpening it.

See, I'd like to lead off with the reassuring statement about how Tex has become a darn proficient reader now, in his own time, and is even starting to think of himself that way. We were going through our rarely-read children's books to find some to give away for victims of the recent tornadoes, and something happened that has never happened before: Tex wanted to keep books so that HE could read them. He's never talked about wanting to read independently before. Ever. He has clung to the idea of me reading to him for years, in fact I think he was planning to have me in the dorm room next to his if he goes to college, so that I could read text books to him at bedtime. :-) "Insecure about reading" doesn't even begin to describe him. "Hostile" maybe comes closer. So it's with no small amount of joy that I realized two days ago we had had a banner day: Tex told me all the jokes off his Popsicle sticks after HE read them himself. He didn't ask for help before trying, he gave it a shot and it made sense for him, he comprehended the words and was able to express them accurately to me later.

But that doesn't really change the basic fact that Tex is not naturally proficient at language-related tasks, and I really want to start actively playing to his strengths as a spatial learner. I love that he's brought himself this far and that he's starting to feel confident about something that's been a big challenge for him the last couple of years, but I'm also worried that I'm not doing enough to support that learning and help him feel powerful and intelligent. I feel like if he could take it to the next level, having some concrete tools to employ when trying to decode language, then he would feel even more self-reliant and independent, and wouldn't look to me to be his savior in these situations. But he's so resistant to any kind of pressure that I've been hands-off in order to let him know that I don't expect his brain to operate on my timeline. And that's kind of what the whole point of homeschooling was with him, was to get him to a point where he felt well-equipped to handle what would be expected of him in public school, and not feel abandoned or neglected. And that's not to say he would be forced to go to school once he reached that point, just that it wasn't an option until then. And now I'm seeing that with a little more focused work on my part, there's a light at the distant end of the tunnel. That's pretty cool. But more on that "urge to push" in a minute.

Speaking of reading, it turns out Noodle is just one of those kids who "get it". I was like that; I don't know what age I started reading, I just remember that words on a page made sense to me. It appears Noodle is much the same, as his reading has gone from basic C-V-C words last summer to full on reading of whole paragraphs at present. Of course he struggles with the odd word, but most of them just flow right in his eyes and out his mouth without a break. I realize now what a gift that is in this world, to have words just open themselves up to you. I think it will allow Noodle a lot more choice for a while, and I hope I don't forget that he still needs my interest in what he's learning even if he doesn't need my help.

Okay, now that the reading is covered, what else have we been doing? Well, the big thing that was coming up after my last entry was Disney World! I can't believe what a burst of imagination has come on the tails of that trip. The kids still watch the Disney behind-the-scenes videos on Netflix at least once a week, they talk about their favorite rides and what they're going to do next time when they're bigger (we're hoping to take another trip in 3 years or so), and the other day Tex and I even had a conversation comparing the strengths and weaknesses of Disney and Universal as we saw them. He argued that while WDW definitely has the best rides for kids his age, Universal had the more impressive architecture, citing Hogsmeade/Hogwarts in particular. I maintain that Universal should only get credit for having hired the staff from the movies to design the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, and that overall Disney does a much better job of selling their themes. Then he pulled out the Dr. Suess area at Universal and I rebutted with Epcot's World Showcase. In the end we agreed to disagree.

Anyway, it's been a fun surprise to me to see what caught each child's fancy at WDW. While we were at the Monster's Inc. Laugh Floor on our last night at Disney, and Tex got asked by a monster comedian what he wanted to be when he grew up, he answered without hesitation "a costume designer". Now, dressing up is something that Tex has always loved to do, and we maintain well-stocked dress-up boxes for all the kids, but it's like our trip to the theme parks really brought it to life for him. He focuses on the little details of the costumes he sees in movies and tv shows, and on figuring out how we can recreate them at home. This is one of those times I wish I was good at sewing.

But now, let's go back to the sharpening of focus I told you about. I suppose it's natural as one begins to live out the Unschooling lifestyle, but I've been thinking more and more lately about what is really important to us. I was in the bookstore yesterday and I picked up The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. I had heard about the book and it's author, and even read a couple of excerpts on the internet, heaping scorn on the head of the woman who would do such things to her child for the sake of being thought to be a good mother because her children were successful. For shame! But in reading the jacket of the *actual* book instead of just relying on the internet (funny how that works), I saw that this wasn't just a clueless, disconnected mother feeding her own ego. Amy Chua parented her daughters the way she did, forcing them to practice lessons and achieve greatness at the cost of their own relationship, because she thought that being successful was more important, would be better for her children, than having a strong relationship with her built on unconditional affection. Part of me feels overwhelmingly sad that she thought so little of herself, that being a whole person to her children seemed worthless, but that's not really the point. She wanted the best for her babies. And by her definition they have been successful, so I guess that's a comfort to... someone.

But here's the thing. I'm going the other way. I've made just as conscious a choice and I'm choosing the relationship. This is not to say I'm going to give my children everything they want in the hopes they'll like me, it just means that I'm choosing explanation and honest discussion over manipulation and extortion. I've recently discovered that the phrase "you're not your child's friend" really rubs me the wrong way. No, I'm not going to ignore the fact that I have more life experience and (hopefully, sometimes) wisdom than they do, but I'm not going to pretend that my voice is the only one worth listening to. I wouldn't do that to a friend. Not one I wanted to keep, anyway. So I'm not going to choose paths for my children and push them so hard down them that in my ignorance about my children's desires I push them away from me. I won't sugarcoat the realities of life, but I also won't pretend they don't have a choice about which lessons to learn on their own. I choose being a safe haven over being a driving force.